Now more than ever, it means a lot to tell people I am dating myself. I was in quite a few toxic situation-ships in the past, and honestly, choosing myself has been the best thing I have done in quite a while for myself. It seemed that my vision became more apparent once I released the toxicity. I know, cliché, but I really mean it. Once I started setting boundaries and saying no to things I absolutely did not care for, my blessings came through in abundance. I believe in the power of self-healing and self-love. Once I identified my triggers to my patterns of bad choices in relationships, GREAT PEOPLE CAME FLOODING IN.
Vision Board
The day I made a vision board, I put the usual stuff, career, dream job, etcetera. I then hesitated. I felt more was needed; my needs specifically were required. I hesitated to place pictures and words on the board because I thought it was publicly seen. I didn't want anyone to judge me. Some little voice pushed me to place healthy relationships; I wanted better friendships, and for my future significant other, I wanted him to be my friend first. I am unclear why I was so hesitant about putting my real needs on the vision board. I felt that this was something I really needed. So, I overcame that fear and placed everything I felt was valuable to me on the vision board.
I kid you not! Better people entered my life. I also started seeing some of my flaws in relationships and how I handled people. It has been a journey to identify the issues I had and have (as I am still working on myself with the help of the Lord). I learned that I have been too nice, too dependent, and too loving of those who did not deserve it in the ways I was providing it to them. I also learned that when I am disrespected, I hold on to the hurt. This was a telling time for me as I was discovering myself through new people. I gave everyone too many chances but not myself? I always loved how I loved myself, but I soon realized it was not love. I was tolerating myself. Do you understand what that means? I have been hurt and numbed to the point that I no longer understood my purpose, my reason? I was holding myself back because the outside world's opinions tainted how I viewed myself!
I know what you're thinking? You learned all of this from a vision board? I absolutely did. See, I believe in the power of the written vision. I think that when you write your wants, needs, goals, and all else pertaining to yourself, it comes to fruition. I made magic with the vision board, as I did not know how it would change my life almost a year later. I made a real commitment to myself to choose myself no matter what! When I feel drained due to me lending myself as a listening ear, a helping hand, and a muse, I learned I must return to my solitude and recharge because though I am putting myself first, life is still happening. So, sometimes you are lending yourself without realizing it but feel drained in the end.
Recharge, Rest and Reflect
My next tip will assist you with this! Learn to recharge, rest, and reflect. Reflect on how you feel internally and how others made you think, speak, and move differently externally. Take time to learn your emotions and feelings to strategize how to put them aside when meeting someone new. Learn to grow with yourself so no one can break the bond of love inside and out of you. Learn how others make you feel and question whether you should keep them in your community.
Avoid Boredom Bonding
Do not let people in because you are bored! I have learned this lesson over and repeatedly. This lesson had given me tough pills to swallow when it came to people who I thought were my friends for life. Just like the saying, "people are in your life for a season, reason, and lifetime," or however it is stated, I had to learn that too many times before I understood the value of the lesson. Not everyone deserves your time. Once you know that people do not value you or even care about you, the usual step is to let them go. I would internalize how they were treating me, although the way they were acting had nothing to do with me.
I am not saying I am a saint, but when it came to my needs and what I was going through, I could not vent. So, learn to not settle for people because you are bored, lonely, and waiting for your new beginning. Build a strong community where you empower and uplift each other. There is a distinct difference between the community you need and the community you want, and you'll see it clearly once you have decided to walk in your growth.
Go Out
If you're like me, once the weather changes, and it's chilly, I want to hibernate in my home, drink coffee, and watch Netflix. I want to challenge myself to put myself in rooms of the community of good people that I wish to attract. I want you to explore the hobbies and conferences and all events that people you believe you are in alignment with are. I want you to explore the rooms with the tables you wish to have a seat.
This was the best advice someone could have ever given me. I want you to know that if you take this method and apply it, you will meet your tribe! I also believe that you will see people, places, and things happen for you beyond your wildest dreams once you allow space for opportunity. I know this probably sounds like something out of a movie. I want you to understand that it absolutely worked for me in this way. I want you to put yourself first! I want you to challenge yourself! I want you to live your best life in your soft-girl era!
(MEN, PLEASE FEEL FREE TO LIVE SOFTLY AS WELL)