This year, by far, was the most challenging when I look back at all the lessons and the blessings that came my way. For the most part, I am incredibly proud of myself for the growth. Still, I had to look back on specific events that occurred and conclude that a lot of the negativity could have been avoided. We all have our ups and downs, but for me, I had to learn a lot as I grew into what I know now. The growth is the word for 2021. I was so discouraged in 2020, as I mentioned in my previous blog, because I had no sense of direction during the pandemic. Every day I would push myself to do better than yesterday, but I had no drive and or energy to make a drastic change. Due to 2020 being so rough, I decided to make significant changes this year. 2021 was MY YEAR! I felt that I needed a considerable difference. Against All Odds is the title for my 2021 year. It was a shock because of the ongoing pandemic, loss of family members, and reuniting after months of isolation. Though 2021 is not over, I am claiming that it concludes with Love.
Looking back at 2020 and the mistakes made, I honestly wanted 2021 to be a lot different. I felt as if the story of 2020 for me was survival. I had no idea what I was genuinely looking for; I wanted my life to align. The alignment was something I was seeking because I felt as if I didn’t have a sense of direction. I was just living, waiting for something great to happen. The keyword is “WAITING” I was waiting for a miracle but couldn’t see clearly. The story of my entire 28 years on earth is a story of patience and perseverance. I survived the previous years with hope, so I decided to apply faith! The bible says you only need faith the size of a mustard seed (A mustard seed is minuscule compared to big problems I was facing). Anyway, I just decided to step out of my comfort zone and really apply myself even if I was fearful. I was no longer self-sabotaging or listening to other opinions or suggestions on what to do; I developed my own sense of what I should be doing. Just like that, my vision became clear! It was shocking. I was almost skeptical on fast things were happening, but I kept reminding myself how tiny a mustard seed was. That truly changed my way of thinking. In a matter of months, I enrolled myself in school and thought that it would bring them satisfaction. Still, once the classes began, I felt as if my whole life, professional and personal, was not aligned with the endeavor I had just started.
I held on to things, thoughts, and materials that no longer served me. For example, I WAS STUCK IN MY WAYS. I realized looking over 2020, I did not make the appropriate steps towards change; I was just waiting for the transition to come to me. In December, I told myself I would no longer standby for my shift, but I was going to get it! I will travel more, work harder and, if possible, find a job that is in alignment with my degree. I was sick of being rejected, and I had to let go of the life as I once knew it. I had to let go of the idea that if nothing changes, why should I? I know it may have been a negative approach to what I wanted. Still, I had no clue there were other ways to look at my situation and embrace the change by taking the first step toward change. I was in the mindset of tiredness, laziness, and I was mostly stagnant. I wanted to do better in 2021, and my approach towards the new year was an action plan to make changes.
I started with my personal life. I wanted to meet new people who were applying action to their goals. I listened to a podcast that introduced me to meditation and the law of attraction. I read the book law of interest, and that is where it hit me. My life was stagnant because I was stagnant. I was not attracting what I believed I deserved and held on to relationships, jobs, thoughts, and opinions, draining me and not feeding me. Once I learned that the change occurs once I have let go of the old ways and embraced the new, I saw an immediate difference. I began to write my plans every day and tried to my best ability to eliminate fear and doubt about my goal and my next steps towards change. I had to build my confidence and project that into my daily responsibilities to grow! It seemed like it was the most arduous task, but I had to let go of what was holding me back. I had to let go of my old self to embrace the next stage of my life.
By April, I was in better spirits, but professionally I wasn’t sure what I needed to do. I needed a positive change, and I was looking for something passionate about! I no longer cared what the salary was; I was sick of chasing the bag. I needed something fulfilling. Just like that, I got a call from my supervisor about a position she thought I would be perfect for. I was nervous but excited because it was in my area of expertise now. I just had to show that I was capable of learning and growing and the perfect candidate. I began to prepare for the panel interview, I put my everything into it. Though fear was creeping, I began to think of the size of a mustard seed. I was ready for this change! I got the call offering me the job maybe 2 days later! I had finally done it! I proved to myself that letting go of things that do not add value, such as fear, anxiety, and outside factors, were my barriers this whole time. I had to understand that letting go of the habits I once knew was the first step toward the change I needed.
I needed to show up for myself. I put everything, everybody, and every thought before I put myself for so long. I know you’re probably thinking “Self-Care” but it was much deeper than that. It was SELF LOVE. Choosing myself first, loving myself first, understanding my own opinions and thoughts first, it was THE UNDERSTANDING that I am capable and I am worthy. I didn’t have these lessons when I was holding on to everything and not letting go and embracing change! Today I encourage you to let go, Choose You, and Love you!
With Love,
Li The Writer